“The world will not greet you with open arms, but with a clenched fist.” - Barry Goldwater
Posted in Uncategorized on Sep 8th, 2006
With the closing of the Alliance, we’ll have no more assignments. No more Precision Guided Humor. No more Filthy Lies.
Today, we present our final Filthy Lie. And it helps explain how Evil Glenn became so … evil.
September 8, 1971
For our reading today, Mrs. Churchill will read from chapter twelve of “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Jul 28th, 2006
Harvey dialed the phone and waited for the ring.
First, one ring. Then another.
“Darn it,” he thought. “No one’s home anywhere today.”
After the 4th ring, the message came on.
“This is Basil. We’re not available at the moment. Leave a name and number, and we’ll call you back. Or not. Depends on the mood.”
*BEEP*
Harvey drew a breath. [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Jul 21st, 2006
1985
Thank you coming in today.
My pleasure. Thank you for seeing me.
What can I do for you?
I know you’re just out of college and have just started your own law firm, but word has gotten around about you.
Oh, that’s quite kind of you. Your reputation, of course, preceeds you. It’s an honor to be speaking with [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Jun 23rd, 2006
Evil Glenn™ sat in his car, waiting for “Chuck” to show himself. “How did this happen?” he thought.
He remembered the first time he had blended a puppy. He did it out of spite. But he loved the taste. And found it made him feel great. So he drank puppy smoothies whenever he wanted.
And that’s how [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Jun 2nd, 2006
Posted in Uncategorized on May 19th, 2006
Posted in Uncategorized on May 5th, 2006
The following contains mature subject matter and strong language. Parental guidance is suggested.
Posted in Uncategorized on Apr 28th, 2006
The Evil Glenn and Mad Doctor Helen Show: The Osama Bin Laden Interview
*beep* *boop* *beep* *beep* *bip* *bop* *beep* *beep*
Hi and welcome to the latest Glenn and Helen podcast. Today our guest is Osama Bin Laden. We’ve been looking forward to talking with Osama for some time now.
That’s right! And we’re looking forward to finding [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Mar 24th, 2006
*knock*knock*knock*
Who is it?
Grandma? It’s Glenn. Can I come in?
…
*knock*knock*knock*
Who is it?
It’s me, Glenn.
Who?
It’s Glenn.
…
*knock*knock*knock*
Who is it?
It’s Glenn.
Who?
Glenn.
Glenn?
Yes, it’s Glenn!
Glenn’s not here.
*knock*knock*knock*
Who is it?
It’s Glenn!
Who?
Glenn!
Glenn?
Yes, Grandma, it’s Glenn!
Glenn’s not here.
*knock*knock*knock*
Who is it?
Will you open up, Grandma? It’s Glenn!
Who?
Glenn! G-L-E-N-N!
Glenn?
Yes! Glenn!
Glenn?
Right! Glenn! Can I come in?
Glenn’s not here.
Okay, Grandma. I’m going to go now!
…
Goodbye, Grandma! I love [...]
Posted in Uncategorized on Mar 10th, 2006
“Good morning. Thank you for calling Lucifer, Beelzebub, Satan, and Clinton. How may I direct your call?”
Evil Glenn Reynolds said, “Wanda? It’s Glenn. Let me talk with Nick.”
Wanda smiled. “Yes, Mr. Reynolds. One moment.”
The Dark Lord of the Blogosphere sang along while The Girl From Ipanema played into his earpiece.
“Tall and tan and young and [...]
Harvey says "Basil's Blog should be avoided at all costs."
