I don’t make this decision lightly. I considered many factors, and have decided that it would be best if the U.S. government bailed out the Big Three auto makers.

The thing most people forget is that the U.S. auto industry is more than Ford, GM, and Chrysler. Those are the big auto makers that are headquartered in Michigan. But that’s not where all the cars are made.

Tennessee, for instance, has GM plants. And Volkswagen is building a plant there. Nissan builds vehicles there, too.

And Alabama. Mercedes builds vehicles there. Yes, there are Mercedes built in Alabama. Betcha didn’t know that. And Honda vehicles, too. And Toyota.

Georgia is getting a new Kia plant. They’re hiring, by the way.

What all this means is, while things are rough up north, the auto industry in the south is doing well. Or a helluva lot better than Detroit.

I live in the south. Born here. Live here. Love it here.

And that’s why we need to bail out the auto industry. Up north.

You see, all those blue states — the ones with Democrat governors and Democrat Representatives and Democrat Senators and Democrat Legislatures — have let the Democrats in power screw up their economies while down here in the red states — the ones with Republican governors and Republican Representatives and Republican Senators and Republican Legislatures — have had better economies.

What I’m worried about is that all those folks that keep electing Democrats that screwed up those northern economies will move down here where the jobs are, register to vote, then elect Democrats to power that’ll screw up things down here as bad as it is up north.

So, I say bail out the auto industry.

We’ve got enough problems down here in the south without a bunch do damn Democrats moving down here and screwing things up even worse.

Bail them out.

Or build a fence. Right about the Mason-Dixon line ought to do.

Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and seek your direction and guidance.

We know your Word says, “Woe to those who call evil good,” but that’s exactly what we’ve done.

We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and inverted our values.

We confess that we have ridiculed the absolute truth of your Word and called it moral pluralism.

We have worshiped other gods and called it multiculturalism.

We have endorsed perversion and called it an alternative lifestyle.

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.

We have neglected the needy and called it self-preservation.

We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.

We have killed our unborn and called it choice.

We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.

We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building esteem.

We have abused power and called it political savvy.

We have coveted our neighbors’ possessions and called it ambition.

We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression.

We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us O God and know our hearts today; try us and see if there be some wicked way in us; cleanse us from every sin and set us free.

Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent here by the people of Kansas, and who have been ordained by you, to govern this great state.

Grant them your wisdom to rule and may their decisions direct us to the center of your will. I ask it in the name of your son, the living savior, Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Some folks … mostly Democrats … didn’t like it.

Wright retired in 2006. His prayer continues to go strong, being passed around the Internet, with credit given to Paul Harvey and Billy Graham.

I wonder if any sitting Congressman has enough guts to open any session of Congress with this prayer.

I’m thinking not.

And that says a lot about the state we’re in today. And none of it good.

See?

I’m not making this crap up.

Like he’s Elvis. Or Dale Earnhardt.

Can you believe that?

Think about it for a second. Someone is using capitalism to make money off the image of a socialist.

I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Anyway, we’ve got a cat. And we pamper that darn cat. Actually buy cat food for it. And I don’t mean Little Friskies in a box. I’m talking about stuff in pouches. And in cans. The single serving cans. That cost about a dollar each. I don’t know why. I mean, it’s a cat.

But, it does say one thing about us. We like the cat.

But still, we’ll put the cat food in a paper plate. Or in a used Stouffer’s lasagna container. Or something.

But, we’d never put it on a Barack Obama plate. I mean, I spend a dollar for a single-serving can of cat food. That means I like my cat. So I wouldn’t make the cat eat off a Barack Obama plate.

But, I assume there are some actual uses for a Barack Obama plate.

I just can’t think of any.

It began as Armistice Day, noting the the end of the first world war, November 11, 1918.

In the 1950s, it was expanded to become a day to honor all U. S. veterans.

This country has been honored by the service of many, many men and women over the years, serving in the uniforms of our country.

We should honor them, remembering all those that served, especially those that gave their lives in that service.

As a veteran, I’m honored to have worn my country’s uniform.

As a citizen, I want to honor those that are wearing that uniform today.

Hire Rebecca Paul.

No, really.

Okay, for those of you who don’t know who Rebecca Paul is, she started up the Illinois Lottery. Then was hired away by Florida to start up the Florida Lottery. Then Georgia hired her away to start … you guessed it … the Georgia Lottery. Then Tennessee came calling, and hired her to start up the Tennessee Lottery.

She used to be a Republican, then her husband died, and she hooked up with a Democrat in the Tennessee state legislature. So I guess she’s a Democrat now.

Sort of like Theresa Heinz Kerry. Except Rebecca Paul actually did something.

Anyway, hire her away from Tennessee to start up the United States Lottery.

Run it like the lotteries she’s set up in Illinois, Florida, Georgia, and Tennessee. That means that half the money goes into the winner’s pot, 15% is used to run the lottery, and the other 35% goes to the treasury.

And lots of money will go into the lottery. Poor people put big bucks into the lottery all the time. So that’ll mean that Obama won’t need to raise taxes on the rich. Or on plumbers from Ohio.

And conservatives like me will get to watch poor people funding the government.

Sure, babies will go hungry, and crack dealers might find a crimp in their business, but that’s the price of success.

And the best part?

When some poor person wins and becomes a zillionaire, he’ll end up in a higher tax bracket and learn to hate Democrats.

There’ll be more rich Republicans (not rich White Republicans, but we’ve got enough of those already). And the poor Democrats will pay for it.

It’s a win-win situation.

Suppose everyday, 10 men go to dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If it were paid the way we pay our taxes, the first four men would pay nothing; the fifth would pay $1; the sixth would pay $3; the seventh $7; the eighth $12; the ninth $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

The 10 men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until the owner threw them a curve. “Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20.” Now dinner for the 10 only costs $80.

The first four are unaffected. They still eat for free. Can you figure out how to divvy up the $20 savings among the remaining six so that everyone gets his fair share? The men realize that $20 divided by 6 is $3.33, but if they subtract that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man the sixth man would end up being paid to eat their meal.

The restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so the fifth man paid nothing, the sixth pitched in $2, the seventh paid $5, the eighth paid $9, the ninth paid $12, leaving the tenth man with a bill of $52 instead of $59. Outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. “I only got a dollar out of the $20,” declared the sixth man pointing to the tenth, “and he got $7!” “Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. I only saved a dollar, too. It’s unfair that he got seven times more than me!” “That’s true,” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $7 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks.” “Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison. “We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor.”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night he didn’t show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They were $52 short!

And that, boys and girls and politicians, is how the tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. There are lots of good restaurants in Switzerland and the Caribbean.

There’s a message in there somewhere. I’m sure of it.

I do wonder if he’ll be claiming a mandate, though.

I’m not the only one:

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