Basil’s Blog

Continuing blatant rip-off of recent posts at IMAO, we present more actual headlines and actual fake comments. For some real humor, check out the crazies over there. They funny.

From CNNmoney:
Stern free to be raunchy on Sirius
In departure from current format, plans to feature lesbians, midgets, porn stars

From CNNmoney:
Brin beats Buffett
“Postman” author flees after violent attack on Margaritaville owner

From The Times Online:
Pope weighs into fight to keep Christ in Christmas
Holy Father expected to take Christ’s side

From The Times Online:
Fake cigarettes carry an extra health risk
Incidents of cancer decrease, incidents of ass-whippings increase

From The Times Online:
Blackboard jungle lures Jenna Bush
The Defiant Ones prefer Barbara

From BBC:
Comet mission set for 2005 launch
Ajax, Bon-Ami to follow in 2006

From BBC:
Paisley arms claims rejected
Plaid legs claims accepted

From BBC:
College team reaches South Pole
Unfortunately, Ice Bowl game cancelled

From al.com:
Top player in state will be named today
Played entire career without name

From Washington Post:
Tenn. Man Gets Diploma After 68 Years
Says the 42 years in 8th grade were the hardest

From Washington Post:
WASHINGTON IN BRIEF
Adams, Jefferson in boxers

From Washington Post:
Ukrainian Town Basking in the ‘Orange’ Afterglow
Top Kerry vacation spot not yet aware of election results

From Washington Post:
Taiwan Vote May Boost Independence
Missouri town awaits results

From Washington Post:
Interpreter Says No to Secrecy
… but tells no one

From Washington Post:
Who Wants To Talk Like A Computer?
Regis Philbin’s new show to debut in March

From Washington Post:
Fannie Mae Told to Restate Earnings
Then told to get ass to kitchen and fix supper

From Washington Post:
Host Marriott Selling Stake in Courtyard
Rash of vampire attacks cited as reason

From Washington Post:
SEC Proposes Stock-Trading Changes
ACC, Big East, Pac 10 support

From Washington Post:
MicroStrategy Turnover Draws Analyst Scrutiny
Analyst prefers apple turnover, peach cobbler

From USA Today:
What you see this week could be what you’ll get this winter
How this differs from every other December uncertain

From New York Times:
Sudan Head of Oxfam Quits Country
Launches Rock N Roll career

From New York Times:
2005 Masters Field Starts to Take Shape
Changes mind, picks shapeless blob instead

From New York Times:
Concert Canceled Over Use of Electronic Musicmaker
But that’s as good a reason as any since we wanted to stay home and watch the game anyway

From New York Times:
A Politician at Home Behind the Curtain
Closet was full

From New York Times:
Study Faults Abstinence Courses
Study had hope to get laid by high school

From the AJC:
Japan Approves Visa for Ex-Taiwan Leader
MasterCard application pending

From the AJC:
Russell lands 8-year contract with NBA
Fat Albert, Weird Harold, Mushmouth expected to try out this week

From CNN:
Australia gets Xmas terror warning
Wanted a pony

From The Hawaii Channel:
Man Convicted Of ‘Modern Slavery’
Told ‘now go do it the old-fashioned way’

From CNN:
Flight attendants rally at White House
Down by 10 in fourth quarter, force overtime

From The Boston Channel:
Medical Mystery In South Boston Probed
Last episode of “St. Elsewhere” still subject of discussion

From ClickOnDetroit.com:
Report: Teen Robber Tied Up By Victims
Really stupid teens on rampage

From CNNmoney:
Greenspan rejects Treasury
Treasury sobs, “But I thought we really had something.”

From CNN:
Inside Kerik’s fall
Not quite as good as his summer, much better than his winter

From CNN:
Report: Mobile phone users double since 2000
Birmingham phone users triple

From CNN:
2004 among hottest on record
However, 2003 a better choice for long-term relationship

From CNN:
Company lets U.S. travelers ‘Go Canadian’
Like “going commando,” but with more beer

From CNN:
Campus political interest wanes
Just like everywhere else

From CNN:
Experts hunt for Yushchenko poison
Later find it in Yushchenko

From CNN:
Koizumi: N. Korea stuck on U.S.
Kim Jong Il fascinated by all Americans except “worthress Arec Bardrin“

From CNN:
China sends fresh warning to Chen
Found his number in Chinese phone book

From CNN:
Turkey set to open EU entry talks
Stuffing, cranberry sauce will not participate

From BBC:
A goat’s not just for Christmas
I really don’t have anything. I just liked the headline.

That’s the news. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Tags: Headline News